Rob O'Malley
Known to many as "Bob", he's never played football at a competitive level for fear of humiliating the opposition - we all remember the chipped penalty he scored against Honington last year. He has a love of all things brown and isn't afraid of paying to get what he wants! He is distantly related to Stephen Hedderman but many family traits are apparent when you look closely - copper truffling, comfortable clothing, general pikeyness. Runs a call centre business out east somewhere which could be a front for a 'buy-a-wife' company. Has his own website at www.gingerpikeystains.com.
Martin White
Known to many as "Bluey" or "Pale Serpent", he's never played football since being sent off in a school match for nailing a gentleman of African origin, mainly cos he's crap! Drives round town in a black BMW pimp-mobile with a permanently reclining passenger seat. Claims to be a ginger, claims to have hair - generally seen with baseball cap pulled down over his ears. Likes to take pot shots of ramblers who get to close to the enclave of Willington.
Lucy Jones
Known to many as "Lucy", she can often be found on the touchline, cheering the team on and coming out with helpful comments like "Oi Lino, you f@*king cheating t#@t that was f@~king miles offside" or "Oooh look at his thighs" or "Oooh look at his thighs" or "Oooh look at his thighs". Favourite players are Luke Belton (thighs), Ru Price (pretty), Will Ragg (pregnant), Kev Kelly (lovely wife) & Neil Harper (sympathy). Likes to fleece quiz machines and eats smelly cheese.
Stella
Stella is a sweet, strong, loyal, but often cruel, friend / mistress. Does NOT like to be mixed with strong daylight. Has been known to cause trouble with certain team members such as falling over and sleeping in the road (Marra), losing trousers (Coxy), many hours of unconsciousness (KK), multi-colour yodelling (Billing) and on very rare occasion’s accusations of sexual aggressiveness (Mr X).