Player Profiles

Name Ben Semke DoB 27/05/83 Position Striker Looks Like Gandhi Special Move Scoring Favourite Drink Lager Best Chat Up Line Roses are red, Violets are twisted, bend over luv, u're going to get f#@ted Famous Women Ideal Date Sandra Bullock Guilty Pleasure Yes, it is Not with a Barge Pole no, with my cock
Name Matthew J Pratt DoB 11/09/83 Position Midfield Looks Like Nigel Spink's Backwards Boy Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Nick Coe DoB 06/06/79 Position Centre Half Looks Like Streak of P*ss Special Move Tackle and Spray Favourite Drink Diesel / Vodka lime & Lemonade if ebing gay Best Chat Up Line I'm not Fred Flintstone but I bet I'll make your bed rock Famous Women Ideal Date Charlize Theron Guilty Pleasure Cilla Battersby Not with a Barge Pole Anything over 16 stone
Name Mark 'Pancho' Reynolds DoB 02/12/68 Position Manager Looks Like Ringo Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Ben Vincent DoB 25/07/75 Position Sweeper Looks Like Charity Dingle Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Paul May DoB 21/10/72 Position Right Midfield Looks Like Cockney Midget Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Scott Smith DoB 12/10/74 Position Midfield Looks Like Roy Keane Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Ali Eden DoB 24/07/75 Position Forward Looks Like Pob Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Chris French DoB 10/01/78 Position Defender of the Goal Looks Like See Photo Special Move Donkey Punch Favourite Drink Fosters Best Chat Up Line You're ugly but you interest me Famous Women Ideal Date Keira Knightley Guilty Pleasure Nigella Not with a Barge Pole Jade Goody
Name Luke Belton DoB 03/06/87 Position Right Back Looks Like Jonathan King Special Move Two footed tackle Favourite Drink G&T with ice and a slice Best Chat Up Line Does your mum know you're out? Famous Women Ideal Date Christine Aguilera Guilty Pleasure An age gap Not with a Barge Pole Your asking the wrong person
Name Twin Tower No 1 DoB 08/10/73 Position 24,000' Altitude Looks Like Professor Yaffle Special Move Going to the wrong ground Favourite Drink P!ss Best Chat Up Line Have you met my brother Famous Women Ideal Date Brother's Mrs Guilty Pleasure Brother's Mrs Not with a Barge Pole Twin Tower No 2
Name Elliot Wright DoB 01/10/86 Position Winger Looks Like Will Young Special Move Running Away Favourite Drink Carling Best Chat Up Line Do you have a mirrored ceiling? Famous Women Ideal Date Eva Longoria Guilty Pleasure Kelly Osbourne Not with a Barge Pole Jackie Goody
Name Dan Lowes DoB 28/02/85 Position Left Back in the Changing Rooms Looks Like Prince Harry Special Move Bust Em Up Favourite Drink Milk Best Chat Up Line Never needed one Famous Women Ideal Date One of my sister's mates Guilty Pleasure One of my sister's mates Not with a Barge Pole The rest of my sister's mates
Name Andrew Miles DoB 17/06/82 Position Utility Substitute Looks Like A badly shaved chimp Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Marco Bandeira DoB 04/05/76 Position Missionary Looks Like Figo Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
< Name Darren Baltatcher DoB Position Midfield Looks Like Bash Street Kid Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Andy Nabbs DoB 29/08/66 Position Vice Chairman/Kit Man Looks Like Harve Lacey Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Les Hardiman DoB 19/12/72 Position Chairman Looks Like Dennis Bergkamp's Dad Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole
Name Tony Lowes DoB 21/09/52 Position El Presidente Looks Like Leslie Nielson Special Move Favourite Drink Best Chat Up Line Famous Women Ideal Date Guilty Pleasure Not with a Barge Pole